Roller coasters terrify me. I hate them. They provoke such a sensation of helplessness and loss of control. People think its a safety issue. While it would totally suck ass to fly out of a roller coaster, I don't sense that is my issue. The fear has morphed into its own living, breathing beast. I have been asked if I had a bad experience on a roller coaster. There is nothing that I recall. At some point in my childhood I think I sat on my sister's finger during one. I don't think I broke it, but she sure wasn't happy.
This past Sunday I grabbed the reigns and took back control. The first ride was the most pansy ass ride I've ever been on. It didn't stop me from worrying before I got on it though. I was sure (since I couldn't see where the ride went) that something terrible was going to happen. Surviving that one like a boss, it was time to move on. Rian wanted me to go straight to Wicked. Hell no little girl. Hell no. Instead we went to this rickety old coaster. People call it the White Coaster. I rode it once last summer after a day of avoiding it. I think I cried then, too. I might have left a scar or two on my coaster partner. I still freaking hate it! OMG That one might be a death trap. I started sobbing in line. I was still taking steps toward the gate, but I was a blubbering idiot. Tara's kids, my kid, they were the best cheerleaders anyone could ever hope to have. But I was so wrapped up in abject fear it wasn't sinking in. As soon as the train left the gate I was breathing like I was in labor. I closed my eyes, squeezed the hand of Tara's friend (a stranger to me-embarrassment wasn't even on my radar at the time) and I might have buried my head in her shoulder. I recalled a dream that I had where I embraced my fear of roller coasters and tried in vain to summon that sensation. I swore. I screamed. I cried. In my mind, I wasn't stepping foot on another one the rest of the day. As I get off shaking and swearing Tara brightly suggests we move on to the next one. Two more and she would leave me alone. Sonofabitch. I love you, I want to punch you, but mostly I love you. I shuffled on. Kids cheered me on and kept telling me what a good job I had done. I was secretly wishing for a burst appendix. 
Yeah, I'll keep her. :)
The next coaster was called The Spider. I cried and yelled some more here. Rian sat next to me and talked so sweetly to me the entire time. I might have scared her at the end of this one with all of my ranting and raving. Tara had promised this one would be better. Indeed, it was. It was fast and spinny and I held my eyes closed the entire insane ride. I survived though, and I think I smiled.
It was time for Wicked now. Rian suggested I should take a break, but Tara was having none of it. I could rest while we waited in line. The kids rode it two or three times in the single (non group) line while we waited. Weirdos. Who comes up with this shit? The swearing and inner dialogue was just outstanding. If ever I was close to a multiple personailty situation... this was it. Finally strapped in with kids cheering me on, there was no crying, just severe grimacing and gnashing of teeth. I kept my eyes closed the entire time. As we plummeted down that first stretch I might have actually left my body for a split second- long enough to stand back and shout, "WTF are you doing Jennifer????" The ride was blissfully brief. It slowed at one point and Rian's friend in a rushed and firm voice let me know, "It's not over yet! It's not over!." I really appreciated that. Hard to explain, but I think it might have kept me alive. 
Yessssss! 
My girl :)
As I disembarked with jelly legs and hair all askew, I smiled despite myself. Congratulations from all of the kids as they ran off for the next adventure and I was just standing there grinning like an idiot. I did it! I did it! And I lived to tell the tale. My three rides were complete. Tara was letting me off the hook. I surprised myself. Not only did I go on to ride five more rides that day, completely voluntarily, I enjoyed it. I still can't say that I love roller coasters. But I do love my accomplishment. I love that I went with my best friend, my favorite daughter, and a wonderful group of kids. Can't wait for next season!