Broken

I have been sad before.  Coming out was a process that almost killed me.  But today my heart is broken and right now it feels like it will never ever heal.  It hurts to breathe.  It hurts to think.  It hurts so much and I wish I could just flip a switch.  

I have to get off of FB to avoid the ghosts of the past and of the future that will never be.  Today I wallow.  But tomorrow I have to pick myself up and keep moving. Right now I don't know how that will look or feel.  It is almost terrifying.  I'll admit I feel a little like bottling up and not letting anyone in again.  Everyone says that things will get better over time.  But the level of raw and brokeness seems like it will increase the healing time exponentially.  So I just don't know.  I just feel so very sad.