*It was just a few days into the new house. I was still feeling weird in my skin I suppose. This is certainly one area where I feel good! Solid! Happy! I know who I am.

I don’t want to be a lesbian. But guess what! I am. This is shit you are born with they say. I don’t care what anyone says. It is the hindsight that shows you everything. I see it. I see it all now. Why the fuck else would I have ended a 17 year marriage and move out on my own? Not a whim. Not easy. Not fun! Gut wrenching. World upside downing. Devastating. Bullshit. It’s bullshit! I hate it. But in the same breath I am relieved. And that seems pretty messed up. As much as I can wish for something else, as much as I cry and mourn for what was, what should have been-I am faced with what can be. Everyone has a different path to get to where they need to be. Mine just happens to be a twisty twiney mother fucking mess. I will get there though. I’ll get to where I was I was always meant to be.